Those who know me know that I seldom use animal terms for things in my life. When they're the best fit I might, or I might not; my relationship to labels and terminology is complicated, and most of the time I end up frustrated with the community words to describe my therianthropy - for instance, 'shifting' has never felt right and in fact feels a little misleading. One word I do use, however, is pack. Wolves live in packs that they are either born or accepted into; cooperation within it is vital to their survival. I am wolf. Wolf wants pack.

This makes for an interesting situation. Having spent my 'growing up' time in the therian community at Werewolf.com, I was exposed to a wide variety of so-called packs - online, offline, wolf, jaguar. The people in these 'packs' didn't seem to even give them any thought, and didn't think that it was all that odd if they were a cougar and in a 'pack' with wolves. Seeing this gave me a low appreciation for the concept within the therian community, and taught me to be wary of anybody claiming they had a pack or even wanted one. Spending more time offline and focusing on wolf quickly changed my opinion on the matter - not only was the desire there, but it was strong, and it had nothing to do with the therian 'packs' I'd known on the site and elsewhere. Over time I've come to realize that there are people whom I consider pack, even if very few of them are aware of it. I didn't choose them; one day wolf suddenly recognized them as pack members, and there was nothing I could do to change that. The group of people I consider my pack isn't large, but it's vital, and it's there - and that's more than enough for me.

One thing people assume about me upon learning that I'm wolf is that I'm a social creature, which ends up frustrating everybody involved. Really, around the vast majority of people I tend to be reserved, slightly formal, and rarely make the first contact. I'm also highly private, territorial, and get anxious when people are in my personal space. It's only around the people that I consider pack that I lighten up, feel comfortable, and want contact with. (And I do want contact with them - I hug my friends a lot.) Even with them, there's a certain anxiety, a tendency to interpret small things as meaning more than they do. Part of that is wolf, part of that is my own mental issues, and a lot of it can't be distinguished between either.

The situation is, of course, different for other people. I don't have the authority to tell people what a therian pack can and can't be. However, it's frustrating as hell to come across somebody randomly asking people to 'join their pack' or asking if 'anybody wants to be their packmate'. Do they think this is some kind of game? I know it's not intentional, but it's insulting. For wolves, who the members of their pack are is a life and death matter. For myself, it's the most important form of relationship in my life. It's one of the most important aspects of my life. Pack is not about being as much like a wolf as you can. It's not about people whom you chat to over MSN. It isn't about perking up your self-esteem by being an 'alpha'. Pack is not a big, happy family, either.

Oh, and what of those big cat packs? ? It’s disconcerting on many levels -are these people playing, or have they misjudged themselves that badly? Or are they just stupid? Usually I call it even and say all three. What kind of image does this kind of thing give to the community? We’re supposed to be a group of people who believe they have an animal inside of them, and some of us seem to be saying that all their inner cougar wants to do is be bestest best friends with wolves.

It's enough to make a wolf go hunting.